We got married exactly an year ago. Since my childhood I detested getting married, for reasons best known to me. I thought a wife is more like a slave who gets lost in the ceremony of marriage. But how wrong I was !!! After my marriage with Raghu I realized, marriage is not about husband and wife, it is about companionship; about two friends leading a happy life till the end without any compromises, rules or boundaries. Just pure love asking nothing in return!!! So does a fairy tale romance come real? Yes, it definitely does as long as you believe in it. We took some drastic steps to get married to each other, may be that emptiness brought us close. Today so many people get inspired by us and are ready to get in to a love marriage against all odds; I ask them to re-think their decision. Every love marriage need not be successful but it is the love in the marriage that binds any marriage together.
So what really happens after marriage? Many people might have their own opinion, some might even argue saying it is too early for me to define the institution of marriage but let me tell you my best five realizations about marriage:
1. When my husband initially told (some two years back) that we should never compromise in a relationship I was shocked to say the least. This is what is taught to us right from our birth, to compromise and to give up and to treat our husband like a god himself. When my entire thought process was questioned, I was forced to question it myself. He doesn’t sleep early because I do or I don’t stop eating mushrooms because he doesn’t like it. We don’t have to give up on our choices to make the other person feel comfortable. And also, my husband doesn’t believe in implying rules on my life. He is a husband, not a dictator after all. And don’t have unrealistic expectations from your spouse which would push them in to compromising. If it had not been for my husband, I would surely be compromising and sulking with some other guy now. Thank god!!!
2. If marriage is about love then it is also about fights. I know fights are common in every household but every time a fight begins, a percentage of hope slowly starts evaporating making us lose confidence in our marriage or at least this is exactly what I felt. We both are very egoistic and never gave up and like my husband says we still haven’t mastered the art of “agree to disagree”. So a small argument leads to a big fight and finally we end being angry with each other for five minutes to one day (depends on intensity of the fight). But ultimately we give up. Nobody says sorry or nobody is proved wrong or nobody is bent in front of the other. We just let the issue pass by and respect each others preferences. By fighting we vent out the anger in us (there by avoiding a volcanic rupture) and also by letting the issue pass on, we are back to normal. If you ask me, fights are as important as love in a relationship.
3. Marriage can’t only be about companionship. If you want to be in a successful marriage then the flavour of true love is a must. Love everything about the person be it good, bad or worse. I used to hate Raghu snoring in the night but now without his snores I don’t get sound sleep (He never agrees that he snores!!!). My dad once told me, when you are in love even the ugliest man can look the smartest (not that Raghu is ugly). Yes, it is the power of love that gives us the courage and will, to let go all the negatives and concentrate only on the positives. It also makes us believe that the person we are married to, is truly our soul mate.
4. I have often seen in Bollywood movies that hero gets extremely jealous when heroine talks to other men. This is what happens in real life as well and we tag this extreme possessiveness along with real love. We start believing that true love can’t happen without extreme possessiveness. I have started to believe that we need space only for trust in a relationship. So what if your husband talks to another woman, the ultimate fact is he is in love with you. So, we should chuck the concept of being extremely possessive, doubting on spouses and spoiling a beautiful marriage. Trust me, love with trust is the most beautiful thing on earth!!!
5. Marriage is also about having fun and giving enough space. Once married it is not necessary that we start saving up for old age and compromise on our present day life. My mom often complains that we are not serious in life and we should start behaving like adults. But why? Why can’t we still watch every Friday releases or take frequent trips? Why can’t we just pack our bags and leave for a vacation or dine outside? Why can’t we sleep late playing cards or scrabble or dance like crazy people on Telugu dance numbers? There is no rule for married life. Nobody has written “a code book” for the right conduct after marriage. After marriage it is not mandatory to have fun only with your spouse. Hang out with your friends, live every bit of your life. I believe as long as there is fun in a marriage, married life will always move smoothly. Even after being in Saudi (where there are n number of restrictions on women) life is still very much alive and crazy going. That excitement in life is something should never fade off, say even after sixty years.
Well, these are my five best realizations about marriage in the last one year of my married life. But sadly everybody compares marriage to a prison sentence. As if once we are married we are stuck forever in a dungy cell. This is not true. Marriage is as beautiful as a new born child. If we show it the right direction, it can only lead us toward a good future. And trust me, this applies to both genders. Days are gone when the husband bullied the wife or wife irritated the husband. Some how when I look at the young married couples, I feel this is an era only of love!!!I