I have read many articles which say Hinduism doesn’t agree upon pre-marital sex. It is against our religion and moral ethics and who more than Indians talk about ethics and mortify women. Surprisingly, India, which is also called Bharat, is named after a man who was born as a result of pre-marital sex. Now, you may say, Dushyant and Shakuntala got in to Gandharva Vivah, then every man and woman in love having sex before marriage has done Gandharva Vivah.
As per wikipedia – Gandharva marriage is, according to Apastamba Grhyasutra – an ancient Hindu literature, the method of marriage where the girl selects her own husband. They meet each other of their own accord, consensually agree to live together, and their relationship is consummated in copulation born of passion. This form of marriage did not require consent of parents and anyone else. According to Vedic records, this is one of the earliest and common form of marriage in Rg Vedic times.
It was considered as marriage back then as “moving on” was a term newly coined. In the present day scenario, if Dushyant leaves Shakuntala she will get herself in to a job and earn her money and may or may not marry but for sure will live happily than sulking and being objectified. So, in olden days, having no option, they preferred to be called as “married” which roots from physical attraction only. No parental permission or understanding between couples – they saw, they got attracted and they had sex after exchanging garlands (or what they say so).
What about the birth of Karna? Now don’t tell me you believe in what they telecast in Mahabharata serial. No light from the center of the palm will produce babies!!! Anyway, with the fear of society and humiliation Kunti deserts her new born baby. So, pre-marital sex has been in practice since gods walked on this earth!!! Even after marriage, due to Pandu’s curse, Kunti becomes pregnant with various men. Now is that acceptable in Hindu religion? Don’t you think it is even worse than pre-marital sex? So are we saying if husband agrees, then a woman can sleep with anybody? But all our lives, we have praised the Pandavas and considered them as our true heroes.
In the present day scenario, a girl is not respected if the society gets to know about her sex before marriage act, even if it is with the same man she married later. Sometimes, I feel we blame too much on our religion than blaming the mankind. I have written so far only to make one point – “Our religion doesn’t speak ill of sex before marriage. It has happened in the past. And they made sure, these couples get married later. So, let us not say “being a Hindu how can you do this? Or our Purana says it is a sinful act”.
If I have hurt anybody’s emotions, I am sorry. I may sound blunt talking about Hinduism, but it saddens me to know, people at the end blame it on our culture and religion, which is not true. Starting from love marriage (Krishna and Rukmini) to multiple wives to love without marriage (Radha and Krishna) to sex before marriage to marriage without anybody’s consent was accepted in our ancient society. But with time we have modified the rules to fit our own convenience.
Now let us peep in to the present day scenario and my opinion of pre-marital sex-
I believe every human being has the right to make choices in life – good, bad or worse and learn from these choices. So, if somebody wants to have sex before marriage, then it is completely their call. And what happens later (pregnancy, STDs) is something they have to deal with it.
I am not old school or modern – I am just being me here. I believe sex is not overrated like the modern day kids believe and I do not say having sex before marriage is sinful. I believe it is an act of love. I believe sleeping with a man whom you don’t love (happens in most arrange marriages) is surely sinful. Marriage doesn’t say whom you should sleep with but love does. If you love somebody, then I don’t see any harm in “being one” physically.
The problem is with the current mindset which thinks sex is for pleasure only and sleeping with someone is like a feather in their cap. I have a problem with this concept!!!
When a girl at the age 18 gets married to the worst man in the world (may be, has many other sexual partners) and sleeps with him; she is treated like a respectable woman.
And if the same girl has sex before marriage with the most genuine and good hearted man she is considered as a slut.
I have problem with this mindset. I know the problems associated with pre-marital sex or can I say “just sex” – who knows if post marital sex will leave you in wonderland; he may be suffering from AIDS. The problem is not in pre-marital or post-marital but in our value systems.
Value system which doesn’t say when to have sex, but to do the righteous act. Have sex if you are truly in love and consider each other as husband and wife. Marry each other later (for the society marriage is a must) and live a long happy life. Never play with anybody’s emotions and force someone in to having sex with you. Don’t treat a woman like a prostitute because she slept with another man – reason out with her, she may as well have a good reason. Don’t treat a woman who was raped as a slut – breaking her hymen was not her choice.
When a girl thinks about sleeping with a boy-
1. She is in love with him
2. She has already considered him as her husband (may be this is what is Gandharva vivaha)
3. She doesn’t care whom she sleeps with – just for fun
And what happens later-
1. The boy might leave her hurting her for life
2. She might get pregnant, spoil her education, career
3. She might get some STDs.
4. She might as well marry the same boy in a few years.
When there are so many probabilities involved how can we strictly say “yes” or “no”.
I say “yes” to pre-marital sex if both of them are in love. Marriage doesn’t define whom you should love and how!!!
I say “no” when people have sex with multiple partners and think it is overrated. It is a big “NO” for sex before and after marriage if a person can’t be loyal to another and in love.
I say “yes” if girl and boy are matured, independent and at the right age to make their choices and bear the consequences.
I say “no” when high school kids have sex like their next science project.
I say “yes” when there is mutual consent
I say “no” when one of them is being emotionally played or physically forced.
I am only highlighting my views in this post. You may not accept or agree with me, you may completely dislike it, but you are entitled to your opinion just like me!!! I only hope I have not hurt anybody’s sentiments through this post. If I did, then I am sorry, but I really can’t change my stand on this.
This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Poonaam Uppal’s True Love – A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.