What really happens when two people live together? It need not be husband and wife, it could be siblings or friends or even children living with their parents. It leads to fights!
I have often asked myself as to why people fight (I mean silly fights)?
- Difference in opinion
- Difference in beliefs
- Wanting things their way
- the ultimate reward (who gets what item)
- Wanting to be right
And so on…
But, I believe it is an ego conflict. So what if opinions or beliefs are different? What if he gets the last piece of the chocolate? What if I am proven wrong this time? It is not greed; it is not even jealousy! It is ego! We want to be right and we want things our way. Anyone who tells me they don’t have an ego I won’t believe them. Everybody is egoistic which makes us who we are. This ego can be good and can make us independent, self sustaining, respectable individuals, and can also make us rigid, adamant, angry, frustrated. Like everything else in life even this needs to be balanced.
Even me and Mr. have silly fights. Sometimes, these silly fights become a war and we don’t talk to each other for hours. But then we realize that we were silly and we let the matter go. Sometimes, we both apologize to calm down each others ego, and most of the times we both don’t apologize to satisfy our own ego. No matter how we do it, we get over it real soon. It makes me wonder how silly these issues are – it’s about not putting the toilet seat down, or not keeping the milk in the fridge, or talking loudly, or putting the wet towel on the bed, or not selecting the right movie, or not calling when traveling, or not listening when one is talking and the list will go on. These issues need not get our attention but we usually fight over it. I have tried so hard to not put my head into these silly things and to keep calm. It is impossible. These silly things begin to pile up and then we have a “marabharat” war at our house. So, I decided to have silly fights over silly topics. I vent out my frustration. Sometimes it ends up as a healthy discussion, sometimes as an ugly argument, and sometimes as a silly fight.
After an hour, we keep our egos aside and start talking like the fight never happened. We don’t compromise. We try to reason out and try to find out who is right and who is wrong. If that doesn’t happen, we move on. As if these silly issues can affect our life or love. After a few hours we wouldn’t even remember if we even fought and if yes, then for what!!!
I believe it shouldn’t get more attention than this. Even silly issues can bother us. So, it is better to talk it out, maybe fight over it, and get over it than piling up things in your heart which can lead to more anger and more frustration. At the same time, after a fight if you keep things in your heart that will also bother you. The best thing one can do in a marriage is let go. Not let go of each other, but let go of the negativity that surrounds the ego. Grow with your ego but don’t feed your ego!